>> Saturday, February 2, 2013
The famous Dishwalla song from the 90s won't stop playing in my head. I never really understood what the entire song meant, or what it was intended to be when it was written but having hung out a lot of Craft at Fort Strip where it's always sung by the band every Tuesdays, it kind of stuck in my head.
Tell me all your thoughts on God, the lead crooned. What are my thoughts on God anyway?
Prior to 2012, I've never been too keen on sharing thoughts on my faith. I had a principle that my faith was no one else's business and that it was just between God and Me.
What it really was that I attended Sunday mass, prayed every night with a canned prayer, prayed fervently when I had an exam and was afraid I'd tank it. I knew Biblical stories, parables from my Religion classes and knew what was biblical rights from wrongs. I attempted to read the book of Genesis and that was all. I knew Saints' feast days and I knew that was reason to celebrate. I knew prayers by heart and I memorized all the mysteries and the longest prayers.
I couldn't say it was bad --- it was just, hmm, bland. I guess that was primarily the reason why in 2010, when things got crazy and boring at the same time, that I wanted to explore other areas of faith. Two years later, I found a place whose worship for God and Jesus was just the way I wanted it to be: full of passion.
In 2010, during a time I'd like to think was my quarter life crisis was happening, I wrote this list and vowed to get to know God better and act out faith better.
While I cannot articulate now those of which I've learned since, it's safe to say that life had been more joyful since I'd gotten to know Him. One of the things I learned is that relationship with God is just like a relationship with your parents, or your family, your boyfriend or husband: You express it. Today, I find myself listening to songs that echo what I feel about God, my faith, this love.
I finally understood why born again Christians blog about Hillsong songs, poetry, introspection, how God had been faithful to them, how life seemed to make more sense since they gave their lives to God, how faith can open up one's mind about a lot of things in the world, the real concept of generosity, and what to look for, how to identify love. I finally understood that blessings didn't mean the material things that came in the mail, nor money in the bank but what was inside the heart, the stillness, the joy, that feeling that you're loved and valued and treasured. I finally, finally understood it.
I still have so much to learn though, so much.