The Non Negotiables

If you never know where you want to be, you will never get to it.

I cannot exactly remember who it was who told me that, but I'm pretty sure it was one of the many women in my life, like my grandma {who sends me food at every chance she gets}, or my mother, or my women heroes.

You see, I was never one to think about non-negotiables, especially in the arena of choosing a partner. It's like when you're about to be blessed with a child, and a mother will always just wish the child is normal. It's either you hope / wish for one, or not at all.

And I do want one. Well, eventually. Because I feel like I am a lot older when I started this blog, and when I started my rounds of blind dating, I feel like I've finally arrived at that point where it is unacceptable to have no definite standards. Having no standards means falling for everything else, which can explain my rather 'interesting' taste in previous partners. That's not to say that that statement is loaded with regret but rather, this time, as I have taken an active stance on my finances, I'm taking an active stance on who I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Disclaimer #2: That's not to say that I am going back to becoming the serial dater I once was. This time, I am listing down what I would not sacrifice or negotiate for. I have stopped dating for the past years after realizing how it's almost always a waste of my and the guy's time as we are always on our best feet forward and therefore never revealing who we really are. Disclaimer #3: These are my own non-negotiables and I am not pushing them down your throats. I am merely stating them for myself, that I may always remember the characteristics and desired results I have noted for myself, and myself alone.

Without further ado {and disclaimers}, here are my non-negotiables for my future husband:

1. Same set of values. I value my faith, my family, passion, learning, hard work, integrity, among many other things. I do know that a disagreement to any of the major values I adhere to will be a huge source of fight so this is a foremost characteristic I would like to have in a man.

2. In relation to having the same set of values, having the same understanding of love is something I would appreciate. I admit to not being a perfect student of the Bible nor Christianity and I remain to be a work in progress everyday but getting to know God's love has given me a wide-angle view of what used to be shallow, if not opposite, understanding of the most underrated and overtly used word that is love. Loving someone means being patient, kind, not envying, not boasting, humbling ourselves, not being rude, not seeking our own ends, not being easily angered, it’s rejoicing in the truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping, and always persevering. Tough --- but when we both understand that, the journey of marriage will be smoother than having to remain under the shadows of my petty views.

3. Understands that marriage is a partnership and not a vehicle to have someone cook breakfast. While that, of course, is a tongue in cheek way of saying things, I want to reiterate that such relationship calls for being together, growing in the Lord together, amongst many things --- and not because one of the two is a cheerleader and the other one craves for attention, romantic words or praises. It will be there, sure --- but any relationship based on only good things is doomed to fail.

4. Be passionate about something. I had my share of 'lost' boys to mother when I was younger and while I do know that being boys will always be less mature with women of the same age, I would want to be with someone who is passionate about something of worth other than playing video games, catching women, cars or sports. Or me.

That's it for today. Maybe there will be some more in the future. After all, it's too early to be thinking about this anyway.

Happy Monday!
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