I Think I Just Fell in Love with Myself.

I think this post was meant  to have been written on V-Day, but my thoughts had been on a slow osmosis going through my hands.

Today I was asked to attend a workshop on how to get work smart to get a love life. The training specialist made sure she copied my boss and hers, but then again, that was probably because my job is to write stuff, happenings and events at work. *keeps fingers crossed that it wasn’t because I look obviously, or worse, desperately single*

Truth be told, I actually think of myself as someone who is not new to dating. After all, I’ve been set up for a date with a bunch of guys, my fingers aren't enough to count them. And to think I’ve only been single for two months. As cliché it may sound, singlehood has probably been the best thing to happen to me this 2010. With it came my promotion, my vacation in Thailand [which I’ve yet to write about, gah!], a handful of acquaintances who transformed into beautiful friendships and hours spent on forgotten hobbies such as reading, making scrapbooks out of vacation mementos, cleaning my room and much, too much de-cluttering it was so good for the soul.

However, it was still a good thing to have attended the workshop. Pia Nazareno-Acevedo was the picture of someone who’s been in love with the same man (her husband of 10 years) as much, probably even more, as she had been in love with him the first time. She recalls how love-struck she had been when she was still crushing on her then-crush, also a professor at AdMU, where she also taught Theology. If there is one thing about me, I am fascinated with women (and men, I suppose) who are so in love with their husbands/wives even after years of marriage. Growing up, I’ve noticed how I can grow tired of my boyfriends and I knew then that I could never marry, much to my dismay, because I just know that I’d grow tired of the guy eventually.

I still haven’t met a guy whom I don’t think I will ever tire of, and I hope he doesn’t come yet. I’m honest to goodness convinced that marriage is probably the best thing since lip balms but I still am not my most fabulous self now! I want to do so much more. Not that I can’t do all those things when I get married. It’s just that when I’m married, I want to give whatever the man I’m marrying needs, while I still have my life, of course. As Pia said, marriage is work, in fact, it’s very hard work.

 When I do find him, we are gonna be this hot (and more) together, I promise.

My mom usually tells me, “Love yourself first, before allowing someone else love you.” In my x years of experience of dating (haha!), I can’t help but nod my head. Love alone is a lot of work. Sometimes, the one on the other end loves different things and yet, we choose to love it just the same for the only reason that we love them. Embarrassing as it is, I’ve only accepted these facts now --- sometimes, failed relationships are not really failures. It’s just that breakups are the only thing to save the two of you from years and years of hardship and sadness, when your differences no longer served as a way for the both of you to be closer.

I feel like I’m not yet ready for marriage, despite of the fact that the famous feng shui master Charlie Chao told me I am ready (and getting married this 2010, shucks!). But I think I still have a long way to go, to be a perfect match with that guy, to commit, to hold on without hesitations, to come home (and cook, among other things!) for the same person every single day of my life, to love what he loves and him doing the exact same things, and to live in royal bliss. After all, I am only 24 and life is not yet done teaching me my lessons.

And just like my good friend M said over strawberry-mango margaritas, “Do what you have to do. When the time comes when you have to get married, it may be the time when you will have to give up everything you’ve dreamed of and you’ll feel like it is all worth it.”

I think I just fell in love with myself, finally, not in a narcissistic kind of way, but love, in every essence of the word. And you, future, Mr. Tara's husband, stay right there and you can pop in, when the time comes.