What If?

Dear Claire,

“What” and “If” are two words as non threatening as words can be. But put them together, side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

“What If?” “What If?” “What If?”

I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was “true love”, then it’s never to late. If it were true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like; a love to leave loved ones fore, a love to cross oceans for. But I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I’d have the courage to seize it. And Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.

All my love,


Requited un-requited love

. I have a thing for love that seems to be hopeless or extremely inconvenient. Why else would I cry buckets to movies like

Same Time, Next Year


Chances Are



if I wasn't? It wasn't easily just because they were chick flicks. It was because it seemed so impossible to have it --- to want it, but they still went for it.

I was having an easy day, despite the turbulent weekend I had [12-hour TVC shoots, a collision with a motorcycle and minimal sleep] so I decided to cap it off with the perfect ending to a lukewarm night ---- a movie. My friend L had been blabbing about

Letters to Juliet

, starring

Amanda Seyfried


Christopher Egan


Gael Garcia Bernal

[my original Mexican lover] and

Vanessa Redgrave

, saying it was a very good movie. And a great movie it was.

I have no intention of going over the movie's storyline as I don't want to give away too much detail. What I really want to say is that if you're a girl like me, looking for the perfect feel-good, let's-be-in-love movie for a date with the girls, then this is for you.

Egan and Seyfried

Loved the fashion bits of the movie! And the OST, too!

My original Mexican amore,

Gael Garcia Bernal

, plays

Sophie's food-crazed fiance, Victor.

To me though, it meant so much more with all the current events of my life [one that needs me to make certain decisions], eliciting advice from older people in my life, advice such as "If you think the battle is worth it, then go ahead and fight!" For a while there, the movie had be dabbing my eyes when Charlie (Egan) asked Sophie (Seyfried) to just flip a coin so they would know where they will stay, in his words: the vibrant and fresh


or the overrated

New York City

. If you know me in person, you would know why this makes me cry. :)

Truthfully, I had never been one for the do-all-you-can, at least I don't think so. I have always kept something for myself, never the one to give up so much for a relationship. Over the years, the word 'love' had evolved so much that each time I take a look at my life, I realize I have never really been in



which current definition in my book is a conscious effort to extend oneself, to choose to be with that person

. I used to believe that for every girl out there, there's a man for her and I used to believe this applies to me, too. But over the years, too, I realized that every guy who came in my life could've been the one. But I chose to get out of the relationship for varied reasons. I chose to discontinue my commitment and see the flaws for what they were. And that is where love ended.

"When you're in love, there isn't any more thinking than there is feeling," says my wonderful friend,


.When the desire to do overcomes the fear and everything else, then there is nothing else left to do but to undertake those steps to wipe away the questions that '

What if?

' brings.

I don't know if this is being in love I am being right now, I just know that I will die if I never get to do what I have to do and tell myself that I did everything so I won't have to ask '

What if?

' for this particular segment of my life.

Do you have 'What if?' moments in your life?

And if only to remind myself {this can be rather irrelevant to the whole post but whatever}:

So many times when I've tried to hold on to things, to people, to moments, I just became miserable because I knew that they were no longer mine to possess. I think it is very human - to want to possess everything beautiful, to keep them always close in order to preserve that happiness. But life teaches us constantly that nothing in this world is permanent. Buddhism teaches us that impermanence is the only constant. And accepting that marks the true signs of growing up, and growing wiser.


Bear hugs and bunny kisses,


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