What we imagine becomes reality

I am scared of all the things I think about lately.

The other day, as I emerge from the bathroom of the Japanese restaurant my friend and I had dinner at, I realized how many times I have thought of who I was going to be when I was in my 20s. When I was in high school, I often thought I'd be living independently of my parents {check}, had no curfew {check}, met up regularly with friends to celebrate life over champagne {check}, had a shopping fund to which I could dip into just in case I finally gave into that very, very persistent craving for that quilted Chanel bag, and a history so crazy I sometimes wonder if all that happened in the last 10 years were real.

That train of thought led me to jog my memory and think of all the dreams and thoughts I had that actually happened. When I was getting over an ex, I had replayed over and over in my mind that one day, our paths will cross and that tables will be turned -- {check}. I once dreamt I'll be speaking and posing in front of the cameras, and while I am no celebrity, life made it possible for me to appear on a couple of photos and ads here and there. Just as this year started, I wished I'd get to spend summer somewhere else even for just a week because it was horribly hot and humid and that happened, too! 

But I got all the good stuff, you ask. What am I scared of?

I have really scary thoughts right now. They are the ones that have invaded my mind, for fear of being too out of the box, for fear of not being in touch with reality, for being the one who stands out {and in bad ways, sometimes}even if I try hard to belong. I'm trying to figure out how everyone else thinks and it's negative, it's safe, it's segurista.

It's a process of grounding myself and smacking my forehead of what's real and what's in my face, for fear of blurring the lines.

It's safe, it's proper behavior but it's not fun

. I'm afraid that all these things in my head transform into truth -- for it is just now that I've realized what a powerful magnet the mind can be.

So if only for today, I choose to be unsafe. When you've had so many days that you've enumerated in your head all the things that could go wrong, a positive thinking is few and far in between. Today, I am choosing to imagine the realities I want to have, despite them being impossible. Today, I'll be thinking only of the positive.

It is possible.