The importance of making decisions

Contrary to what I had believed of myself and of the way I lived my life, I don't like everything that has happened to me.

I am not talking about the unhappy misfortunes I've experienced in my past --- rather the points of my life that were pivotal, changes of which were dependent on no one else but me. There were numerous instances that I was too lax, too indecisive, too sleepy to make a decision so I didn't.

I don't know what it was that triggered that goal-oriented side of me. Maybe it was needing to attribute my good fortune to myself and lessening regrets and mistakes. I just know that one day, I was doing an audit of my life and I knew that I had to grow up and be proactively decisive with the marked instances that come my way.

I wanted to be my own hero, after all.

I guess it was inevitable, to look back at life and see where you've gone --- not wrong, but rather inactive. When I took count and audited the life I had, there were admittedly things I wished I took more accountability for. I wish I wasn't that keen on impressing people I didn't even like when I was in high school. I wish that instead of trying to be a good girl so I could go out and party, I should've just stayed in more and read or study molecular biology. Or studied the piano. Or took up a sport. I wish I did better in college than just coast through my college life because in my head, I knew I was smart and that I could pass it without trying {of course I tried and passed but I know I didn't go to the edge}. I wish that I was more proactive in getting my life together than trying to chase a person whom I thought was filling up the gaps only to have that gap get bigger. I wish I took an active stance in deciding for myself and not blame the circumstances that I was born with and have been given.

But you know what all those feel-good quotes say --- it's never too late to become what you want to be and all that. I am not really trying to become into something else because I am where I wanted myself to be right now, after all.

But it could've been better.

So starting today --- and for the days to come, I'm going to write down the things I want to achieve and commit and convict myself to them. So many days are passing by everyday and some, unfortunately, do not contribute to the goals I had in mind. I will stop doing things which are nothing but activities to pass the time, out of the shyness to say no or the ones I bring upon myself because I haven't thought something through. In the future, when I look back at this day, I will know that each and every action I made since is something I've done out of my convictions, passions and a strong decision to do so. When I look at how I spend a weekend in March, I want to know that I was the one who strongly decided for myself to stay in and not go out clubbing. Or that a spontaneous roadtrip was one that was truly one I needed and passionately and crazily wanted to be. I will refuse to waste another minute of my life with meetings which do not contribute to the task at hand and instead do what I love.

I knew that THAT was the only way to minimize life's regrets.

And that, my friends, is when I learned the importance of making decisions.

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
- Bob Moawad