What I Know For Sure: Grace
I wasn't able to go to church last week. But I listened to the podcast the next morning and as I lay in my bed, staring into the ceiling, I listened to Pastor Paolo talk about grace. Grace, as I remember, is getting something you do not deserve at all. He went as far as to demonstrate it by calling a girl from the audience, asking her an impossible question {after promising to give her a prize if she answers correctly}. The question was so impossible, she of course, did not get it.
He still gave her the prize anyway.
Funnily, at that very moment, I did not know what grace was. Somehow, at the back of my mind, I was asking for something I didn't deserve. It was one of those unsatisfied mornings, where being unhappy was interspersed with rushing to an event and wishing for this, and for that.
Thinking back, even if I did not get what I had wanted then, I now realize that I have gotten the better, bigger things I knew I prayed for. On this random Saturday night, I am in awe {and yes, in tears} how the past week had played out. I had never expected such outpour of blessings, of love, of acceptance. This week was a week of a big decision, and while I admit to it being tough to make, it was the easiest big decision I ever had to make. It was so good, it felt like a huge whoosh of excitement after. I had thought then, "Wow, I haven't made a decision for myself like this in a long, long time." It felt really good.
Most of all, it felt un-deserved.
As if that wasn't enough, everything that followed it was pretty much a series of good things. And as the week wounded down to an end, and to usher a new one, my mom had to point it out so I would realize: "At the end of the rain comes the rainbow," she said.
I couldn't help but think: Maybe I had been used to such crap that I didn't know anymore when it was supposed to be good.
Or maybe I didn't really deserve any of it, but that all of it were manifestations of grace.
I am leaning towards the latter. That's what I'm sure of. Thank You. For everything I don't deserve, thank You.