Breakfast Mornings

There's a little bit of chuckle as I realize it's been a long time since I cooked breakfast myself, for myself. There'd be weeks I would not open my fridge these last few months, and I'd be left throwing out anything I should've consumed. But life has a way of putting you back where you belong and in this case, me, in the kitchen. I even invited neighbors to come --- how sure was I that my pancakes were going to be edible? :P

I don't know what made me feel this way towards this Saturday morning. I guess is that wearing two hats at work {sometimes resulting to fits of confusion and being exhausted} as well as in my personal life led me to sort of chase every hour I'd been given lately. Most days would be a nice brunch, one of which I'd feel guilty eating because I feel like every hour of my waking hour should be dedicated to working, or thinking about work, or being planted squarely in my office. On another side, I was guilty of taking somebody's time so much. Some days, I'd skip breakfast altogether. Starting the day with a book? Forget it. I barely have time to remember what's really important to me in the mornings, much less for books that can {seemingly} wait.

But today --- today was different. I whipped up a batter of pancakes, took out a jar of maple syrup from my mother, read through trivial things, like Gwyneth Paltrow and the common woman, listened to J Mascis. I don't feel guilty about anything today, not even as I slowly sip my coffee and linger around my house.

Thanks to Timehop, I saw that I'd been feeling somewhat the exact same way last year, needing space, needing white space in a seemingly cluttered photo. There's a little bit of confusion, wonder, wistfulness in me, but nothing that calmness can't fix.

I had so much time in my hands, that I rushed in to decorate it. Now that I look at it, maybe it wasn't really how I wanted to decorate it. It was like having a blank wall, where I scrambled to put in frames of photos I didn't even like. Now that I look at the bigger picture, it didn't turn out right, didn't turn out beautiful. I need to take them down now and start with a clean slate but I'm procrastinating. I'm hit with a sense of laziness and it had been comfortable. But it must be taken down soon.