Love and The Last Year
Facebook's On This Day, as cheesy as it may be, has a way of bringing me back and hurling me into black holes. I was basking in my post Now and Then glow, a movie from 1995, watched while having a massage at home and later on falling asleep brought me back to a giggling summer school girl. I check my Facebook during our commute to work and saw what I wrote on this very blog last year:
“I remember knowing what love is, and what it isn’t.
It’s looking through all the dirty, crazy past, it’s forgiving endless times, it’s being not entitled and standing and persevering with grace and humility. It’s not counting mistakes, not keeping score and finding ways how to win. It’s not demanding anything. It’s so much generosity without the promise of anything. It’s being there because you want to, not because of any gain. There may be nothing to gain and yet, you hold on. It’s trust, a lot of it. It never fails. ”
For a moment there, I was reminded of why and how these words came to me. I remember exactly why I wrote these. I remember the trials of that month, I remember how daunting the future seemed and here I am. It's been a great and surprising year with its fair share of ups and downs.
I'm still not there, you see. I don't think I'm at a point of exhibiting real and true love where it gives without expectations, I try and get to that Biblical definition of love and you think once you come face to face with someone to love, it comes easy. You think that through the romance, the happy moments, the sex, the sweet words and the tight hugs, it would be easy to accept everything with arms wide open. One would think it's easy to accept the dirty, crazy past, or to have someone accept yours. You think it's easy.
It's not. But it doesn't mean we stop trying.
In other news, I've been on a local movie roll lately, and watched this movie called Sana Dati, a film by Jerrold Tarog. It's about Andrea (Lovi Poe), as she goes down to marry Robert (TJ Trinidad) and how Andrea meets Dennis and the love of her life. I know of this movie because Mike mentioned it to me a long time ago and now that I've had a chance to watch it, all I can say is, it was just unexpected. And beautifully done so.
If you've seen it, you can easily be taken aback by the dead-on-the-inside character of Andrea, as she goes through the motions of her upcoming wedding. I thought to myself, how can one be so apathetic? I see her meet Dennis, the brother of Andrew, apparently her boyfriend who died suddenly and I was dreading the moment she throws herself into his arms and ditch the wedding altogether. Jerrold Tarog is better than that, which is good, because Andrea proceeds to marry Robert, despite their unbrearable lack of chemistry. In the movie, Robert is a politician and to be honest, I initially found his character pitiful and antagonistic. Here we are, being led to the story by Andrea, who was a polar opposite of herself when she was with Andrew, where she was her happiest. Naturally, despite the sickening thought of it all, I rooted for Andrea's happiness, which could've been with Dennis, that was when Tarog decided to pull the rug from underneath and surprise.
You see, in the end, I could not contain my tears. The last scene told the story of Robert waiting for Andrea as she bid goodbye to Andrew's coffin, left his mementos, and the ring, too. She steps into Robert's white Expedition and when the car drove off, Andrea leaves the blue shoes Andrew gave her. Up Dharma Down's Indak plays and fades to black.
I must've cried a good five minutes. One would think that all of this was for Andrea's selfish quest for happiness meant backing out of the wedding or throwing herself into the arms of Dennis. It was surprising to see the real hero of the movie, Robert (TJ Trinidad) as he plays a character who gives in to the whim of Andrea to get married, in the blue shoes from her ex, marries her, and waits for her to get over her ex and her sadness. He let her cry as she desperately clung on to the past and did not ask for anything. He apologized for being too fast, for the uncertainty of many things. But he loved her, he was sure of it. He was steadfast and patient.
For now, excuse me while I get a facial. And maybe a liter of water after crying so much from this movie.