A Beautiful Mess - no more

I’ve been swimming in a lot of nostalgia lately — perhaps it’s because I truly carved out moments of silence especially on weekends. On week days, I use our main common area in the house as my “office” while Mike has our bedroom as his office. We sometimes inter change but either way, I get to swim in my own thoughts and today’s old thought is that while listening to various songs on my YouTube Music playlist, I began to wonder: “How is Jason Mraz now?” He has his complex life realizations, but I realized something about me, too.

I am no longer that beautiful mess I once was.

I know that doesn’t seem big or important in a world whose biggest need is much much more than this — but wow. Some five or seven years ago, I was in a mostly nice but also quite toxic relationship and it was just that — a beautiful mess that made me cry all the time. During those times, I would wish how maybe in 5 years, all of these issues will stop mattering and you know what? They did.

I still think of those days and marvel at how I’ve overcome those. As I thought that, I realized how now, I might be not the weight I wanted but I am happy and content with my life. I type these words as my two dogs nap on my feet, Mike and I have been together 5 years, a year of which has been spent 24/7 indoors without killing each other, my family and loved ones are healthy, I have a job I truly love and life is great. That sounds kind of tone deaf but at one point, I really fought to see the good in here.

Life is just beautiful — not a mess anymore <3 I still like this song nonetheless! Ah young love!