I'm Ready to Be Extraordinary

On a Thursday night, amidst the rush of Christmas shoppers, the squeal of children running towards boxes and baskets of toys, the thud of shoppers rushing to squeeze in forgotten gifts, and whilst chomping madly on a humongous bacon and burger with blue cheese, I was put to a shocking stage of calmness by a song.

Christmas rush can make us overwhelmed --- or underwhelmed in some cases. I was completely apathetic, I wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit and I had wanted to walk away and be gone and forget and hibernate because of all the annoying things that come with the season. But this song --- which reminds me of those 1990's songs from Anna Nalick, Alana Davis and of Ally McBeal, picked me up from the muck from which I'd been swimming in for days now. Sometimes, I feel like my life is a cycle of chick literature plots, always waiting to come of age.

For a time, I had felt like I was moving backwards --- felt like I was sort of in a vacuum,  like the world was trying to mold me into something else and it felt a little like how a crumpled paper would. It felt like I had to act accordingly to what my manual, and the boxed-in set I came in with said I should.

But I was never good at following --- I always was the stubborn one, at least according to my mother. Maybe I should become more like everybody else, is what I thought, a quandary rather unusual and alien that I saw facet of who I was. Maybe I should act how everyone acted then maybe I wouldn't be ostracized too much. Maybe if I posed less of a threat {a threat of disruption, that is all}, people would stop caring so much about my life and move on with theirs. "But you always stand out," a friend I've helped cultivate his inner standout told me. "Blending in is sometimes much easier, mas walang masasabi sayo," was what I responded. "I was wrong to have told you to always stand out." I have had my fix of being in conversations just for being myself and while surely, being the subject of many conversations, good or bad, was tolerable, it came to a point wherein it wasn't fun anymore. This is in no way to imply I am some popular girl, only someone who have bared herself too much that people around me became experts at how I should run my life.

And so I folded. I filtered my words and I tapered my actions because they're what's appropriate. The shameless, irreverent, risque me took a backseat and  went on vacation.

But just as I had predicted, instructing myself of all of these would drive me crazy --- and back to my old ways.

Follow your own path and let people talk, Dante said {Kung sino si Dante, hindi ko din alam, basta si Dante.}. So go ahead and talk. I'm ready to be extraordinary.

In the chick flick that is my life, this is where I have that epiphany, the clouds open and I burst into resolve and a big smile. And this song starts playing.

Extraordinary | Mandy Moore

I was a daydream
Quiet and unseen
I lived in stories but inside I kept a mystery
I was a starling
Nobody's darling
Flying in perfect circles just for company

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

A midnight airplane
A window blowing
I know I am another sparkle in the sky
I shine on copper
Still undiscovered
But you might see me in the corner of your eye

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

Waking up to wake up someday
I am my own parade
Stopping off at a sidewalk cafe
Wind is playing in the trees
Kick up confetti leaves
Seems as if it's all to say

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

I'm ready to let go of what I can't have now and just be extraordinary.
Happy Holidays!

PS: Thanks to my friend Carla who just knew this song was by Mandy Moore. #Blashing